New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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