I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
