It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
