how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
