I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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