I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
