So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
