Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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