I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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