dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
