I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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