He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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