i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
