he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
