I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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