oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
