I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
