as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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