His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
