great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
