Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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