I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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