I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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