I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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