the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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