You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
