I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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