just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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