Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
