We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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