I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
