Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
