Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize