Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
