This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
