I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
