Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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