im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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