Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
