this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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