Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
