I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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