mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
