Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
