i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
