So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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