This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
