it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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