i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
