If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
