If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
