just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
