low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
