I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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