Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
