If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
