i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
