So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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