so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
