i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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