your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
