buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
